Marriages on The Decline in America

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I was curious how men and women felt about the word ‘marriage’ in today’s world. When I decided to go and research the topic, I was not surprised what I learned about the answer.

Published in the Wall Street Journal was an article claiming that marriage was on the decline because men’s cheap access to sex. How true this statement is I am not sure, but it does seem that more single men have access to sex than in the past. The argument by sociologist Mark Regnerus didn’t go much further than the age-old adage “nobody will buy the cow if you’re giving away the milk for free”. Most men would tell you if you’re looking to commit to the big ‘M’ word to be able to have sex, you can get the milk for free if you know how to play your cards right with the women in this world today. 

Ladies, I am going to ask you one time, “Do you really fall for those guys that all they are seeking from you is sex? Is this true ladies? Do you ladies buy into these men’s games that they will use you and then leave you once they get what they want from you? Is this what you are looking for in the men in this world today or are you ladies looking for more than romance from men in this world?

Because the way I take from what I researched is that both men and women have become comfortable with being in an uncommitted relationship, being free to do as they please without having someone looking over their shoulder every day. “Many women today expect little in return for sex, in terms of time, attention, commitment or fidelity,” Regnerus (2017) claims. “Men in turn, do not feel compelled to supply those goods as they once did, it is the new sexual norm for Americans” (Regnerus, 2017). On the other hand, women are looking for good men without supporting the sexual norms that would make men better.

When I hear the phrase ‘new normal’ I feel that we are out with the old and in with the new. What I enjoy about life around me is unavailable and may never return. That our children will grow up seeing the world as we have painted the picture to be the norm here in America and will never understand what it means to be in a true relationship. The pandemic has robbed so many people of peace, security, and purpose that it triggers a survival instinct. In this mindset you can only think about one thing and that is, “What will it take to make it through to the next day?” You see that your circumstances have become reality and you feel alone, abandoned, and judged. This is not all true, we have to remember that a survivor is someone who has overcome great adversity. To go from surviving to being a survivor you must recapture your identity and purpose. The thing we have to remember is our circumstances may not have changed but your struggles no longer define who you are.

Whether we are married or not married during the pandemic really has not played on why men and women are holding off on getting married. In fact, Chamie (2021) said there are some major factors to why marriage has declined in recent years. Partly because females are getting education and are labor force participants, becoming more economically independent and from gender equality. There are more women and men living alone as well as increasing unmarried cohabitation (Chamie, 2021). Why tie the knot when you can get everything for free when both partners are willing to agree to live in cohabitation? You are not obligated to each other and are free to do as you please with whomever you decide to be with at that time. All you are really doing is sharing a place to call home for whenever you decide to be there. I mean why bother making the commitment to getting married when you live free from obligation that marriage brings to the table?

The other thing that has drastically changed in society today is the way men and women are thinking about childbearing. Chamie (2021) has this to say about childbearing in America, “American attitudes about childbearing and marriage have also change markedly (p. 1).” For example, whereas in 2006 about half of U.S. adults said it was very important for couples having children together to legally marry, by 2020 that proportion had fallen to 29 percent (Chamie, 2021). This proportion of U.S. birth to unmarried mothers is about 40 percent, double what it was in 1980 according to Chamie. The other factor that is included with the decline in marriage is religious adherence to marriage, public disenchantment with marriage, and more recently, unstable jobs and strained finances, particularly among the lower-income earners and those with just a high school education. Delaying marriage because of the age factor has also played into the decline.

Let’s now take a look at the other side of this picture and find what the benefits are to getting married. Why men and women are afraid to make the big ‘M’ commitment to each other.

We have to look at the bigger picture to what you gain from getting married rather than staying single, unmarried, and unfeeling your obligation to your partner that you begin to build a relationship with. Stanley (2021) said that “most single men plan to marry someday, and would benefit from marriage. So why do they hesitate to commit?” (p. 1). One reason that men don’t commit to marriage is that entails a substantial change in their behavior and commitment. I do have to agree with this statement that yes, there is a change in commitment and behavior but if you think about it, you have to do the same thing when you cohabitate with each other. I have been on both sides where I have lived with my partner before we committed to getting married to each other and still make changes with that person that you cohabitate with. The only thing different is the piece of paper that binds you legally as a couple. The thing about human beings we are different from each other, even our counterparts are different than us. Stanley (2021) tells us “in many romantic relationships, one partner desires a higher level of commitment, engagement or marriage, while the other is content to let the relationship stay in its current form” (p. 1). More than likely in this situation it is the women that are more committed than the men are. We tend to drag our feet as long as we dare to drag them along. Which is certainly in line with contemporary cultural stereotypes (Stanley, 2021).

I was talking with my boss at work who was married and because he could not handle his wife telling him what he could and could not do, he decided to divorce her so that he wouldn’t have to deal with having another partner tell him what to do or what he can or cannot spend. I feel that from my research I understand that part of the reason why men are afraid of making the ‘M’ commitment is they do not want to have someone constantly looking over their shoulder telling them what they should be doing. The ladies on the other hand see the benefit of being committed in a relationship. Stanley (2021) says “in many romantic relationships, one partner desires a higher level of commitment – engagement or marriage – while the other is content to let the relationship stay in its current form” (p. 1). Both men and women benefit from a committed relationship but Stanley states that “men benefit more overall. In addition to being happier and healthier than bachelors, married men earn more money and live longer” (Stanley, 2021, p. 1). 

A survey done on dating around a decade ago, showed that men tend to agree more than women do that getting married is healthier than staying single and unmarried men are more likely than women to say that they prefer to be married (Stanley, 2021).

You would think from this report that more men would be seeking for more committed relationships than women. They are the ones that are going to gain more out of the relationship than the women. Why are men hesitating about tying the knot?

Stanley (2021) believes that men are afraid to commit to marriage more than women are because they believe marriage requires a substantial increase in their behavioral commitment and men are not ready for this transition. There are three sources that Stanley talks about that cover this theory: (1) qualitative, focus group research by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe presented in 2002; (2) the findings and conclusions of sociologist Steve Nocks; (3) the work of Stanley and his colleagues on sacrifice and commitment. Let’s go ahead a dig into what Stanley and his colleagues discovered in this theory about commitment and marriage between men and women in society today.

The research done by Whitehead and Popenoe (2002) was on sixty never-married, heterosexual men who came from a variety of religious, ethnic, and family backgrounds and ranged in age from 25 to 33. The man reported the main reason they resist marriage they could enjoy most of the benefits without being married. They could get the benefit from cohabitation with their partner. They further experienced no social pressure of getting married from family, not from friends, and not from the family from the women they lived with. Men tend to associate marriage with more responsibilities and with greater loss of finances. The men in the research said the one benefit of not marrying was if they did marry their girlfriend-now-wife would tell them what to do. Stanley (2021) perceived this idea as “an inner view that, after marriage – but not before – their partners have the right to tell them what to do” (p. 2). Scholars would tell you today that the major reason behind this view is wives tend to directly influence their husbands’ behavior by saying things like, “That’s your third beer tonight – why don’t you stop with that?” “You need to go to the doctor and get that mole looked at.” “You’ve been working late every night, running yourself ragged, it’s time to cut back” (Stanley, 2021). Young men tend to look at this as a drawback to marriage than to see it as helping them stay healthy and live life longer.

Let us take a look at sociologist Steven Nock’s views on this topic and what he has to share with us. According to Sociologist Nock (1989) marriage changes men in fundamental ways. In his book Marriage in Men’s Lives (1989), Nock explains how men’s belief system about themselves and their wives changes when they cross the line (Stanley, 2021). Nock in his book explains that men start to see themselves as fathers, providers, and protectors when they transition into marriage. For example, men tend to spend less when they have a family, they tend to spend less time with their friends apart from marriage and family and start to spend more time with their family in the community they live in. Stanley (2021) argues that “causality can be argued, but research strategies designed to account for selection effects suggest that on at least some of these measures, marriage does have a causal impact” (p. 3). I feel that both men and women tend to change a little after they get married. I feel it’s because we are adjusting to that person that has become part of our lives that it is a natural thing that occurs in any newly married couple. Yes, there is more responsibility to being married than being single. We realize that a person who once was just a girlfriend is now our wife and we agreed in front of family and friends that we would step up and be responsible for this person’s care. We are trying to find our place in the relationship as she is trying to do the same. There is going to be fine-tuning adjustments to any relationship that you get involved in, whether you are married or just living together.

We have come to the 3rd part of the theory to why men and women are opting out of getting married today in society. Stanley (2021) and colleagues researched sacrifice in a marriage that provides another window to be opened up here. This is the difference between men and women. Stanley and his colleagues have “found commitment to the future is more important in explaining the male attitudes about sacrifice in marriage than the female attitudes about sacrifice” (p. 4). For example, women may be more socialized to give to others, regardless of the commitment status of a particular relationship (Stanley, 2021).

On the other hand, men have to make sure that the sacrifice for their partner is the right choice they are making without resenting the choice that they have made. They have to make sure that is the woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Once they have decided that this is the woman and make the commitment to be with her for the rest of their lives the internal transformation occurs. According to Stanley (2021), he believes that “the average woman sacrifices more fully, starting earlier on in the romantic relationships than the average man” (p. 4). I have to agree with Stanley here because I feel that the women from the beginning of any relationship are looking for the bigger commitment in the end, whether they are willing to admit this or not. But I do feel for the most part that a woman who has been in a relationship for a while will be looking for a long-term commitment from her partner.

To summarize, marriage does change both people in some way. There is nothing to do about this for the simple fact that you both come from different backgrounds and you have been raised differently than each other. Each will seek out how their parents were as a couple and this is what most married couples expected marriage to be. Stanley (2021) explains it this way, “if marriage has been a particularly strong signal of a change in men’s committed behavior, it would explain the stereotypes of women pushing for marriage and men resisting” (p. 4). I would like to share with you something that Stanley shared in his research paper from Steve Nocks before he passed from this world. I feel this will sum up how I feel about marriage in society today. What you single men are giving up in this messed up world we live in today. 

“Regardless of how much the behavior of males and females may change in the years ahead, I believe that Steve Nocks had it right when, in one of the last works he wrote before his untimely passing, he predicted that marriage would become an increasingly potent signal of commitment as other relationship forms become more common (i.e., cohabitation).”

I will agree, not all relationship transitions are transformative, but marriage is not one of those relationships that cannot go unchanged. They do matter in this world.

Going Home

Going home for me was not what I thought it would be. Having been away from the place I grew up for 33 years, I finally made time to return home to Florence, Oregon. Traveling back to Oregon was an eye-opener to me, how much everything has changed from what each town looked like when I was a kid growing up in Oregon. I forgot how green the state of Oregon was over in the Eastern part.

  • The old part of Downtown Florence, Oregon July 2021

My vacation started out by traveling up the Columbia River to my little brother Tracy and his family’s home in Estacada, Oregon. I had a great time having my short visit with my brother and his family. This gave me time to think things through that was going on in my life and the choices that I have made. I know that I must live with the choices that I make, and I know that the ones that I have made are big choices that I have to live with. I had a good visit with my niece. We had time to sit and talk a lot about what we were going through ourselves. I was glad that I decided to spend another day at my brother’s house. I felt that my niece needed someone to be there to listen to her that day and I’m glad that I was able to be there for her. I hope that what I left her with will help her make the right choices in her life. 

  • North Jetty of Florence, Oregon Beach July 2021

After spending the two nights at my brother’s house, my journey picked up and I left Estacada and drove to Junction City, Oregon to stop in and visit with a long-time dear friend that has been in my life for a very long time. Even though we went our separate ways because of the choices I made to express how I really felt about her, she cut all ties to us. I was able to locate her on Facebook and open up our communication and rebuild our friendship that we once had. Driving over to Junction City I was reminded of just how beautiful the scenes are in the country and wooded areas of Oregon. That lush green growth on the side of the road. The green ferns and wild berries that grow along the side of the road. The tall pole pine trees along the side of the road that you cannot see through because they are so thick. The clean, clear rivers and creeks that run along the side of the road. The smell of the fresh air as you roll down your window and smell the scent of the pine trees and the fresh air outside.

As I got closer to Junction City some the roads looked familiar, but others had changed over the years. I couldn’t believe how big Junction City has grown since the last time I was there. If my memory serves me right, the last time I was in Junction City was in 1983, a year before I graduated. The city has grown so much I don’t even recognize it at all. It’s funny when you travel back to visit an old place that you grew up in and see how much it has changed from the time you were a kid. The railroad station at the end of town where the two roads junction out to go out of town has been torn down and replaced with different stores and Main Street is so crowded that it is hard to tell one building from another. Driving down Main Street now there are car dealers lined up one right after the other but instead of automobile dealers it is RV Centers one right after the other. It’s like Junction City has become RV heaven for selling RVs. I couldn’t even find the stop light that took you down to the high school and to turn to go to Riverside Road. That’s how much Junction City, Oregon has changed on me. I was excited to see my friend Cindy since the last time we saw each other was when she attended Ricks College (when it was still Ricks College). That was back in 1984 or ’85 when she went to school out there in Rexburg. It was around 2000 when we cut all ties of communication with each other, and it is so awesome to have her back in my life. She has no idea how much her friendship means to me. I don’t care what happened in the past, the past is the past and I forgive her. I am so glad that she made time to meet up with me and be able to say hello to her. I wanted to go out to be with her when her dad passed away but we didn’t have the money to get me out there at that time. I was glad to make the time to stop and visit with my friend Cindy and got to see how much Junction City, Oregon has changed on me.

  • Road Between Estacada Oregon and Junction City Oregon July 2021

From here I worked my way over to my old stomping grounds to go spend the weekend with my old high school friends. Driving over that way was so hard to see the changes that they have down the highway from Mapleton to Florence, Oregon. I didn’t even recognize any of the highway going over there. It’s amazing as the years pass by how much the landscape can change on you. Especially the towns that you grew up in and around. I didn’t hardly recognize Florence or Mapleton when I drove through them. I couldn’t believe a pizza place and A&W Root Beer were still there. After all these years they have hung on to staying in business with all the big franchises that have come into town. Safeway has moved from their original location to a bigger location. They have added a Fred Meyer in Florence and Les Schwab is not on the corner across the street from Johnston Motors. I was going to stop in and say hello, but I shied away from stopping in because I don’t know who is running the Ford dealer now. I drove right out to Alder Dunes where we were going to meet up for the weekend. I was the first one there, everyone else was coming in on Saturday which gave me some time to myself to do some thinking. 

  • Alder Dunes in Florence, Oregon July 2021

I really needed this time with my friends. It was well overdue, and I am going to make sure that this happens every year from this point on. I had a great time. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, like my thoughts tend to play a lot of scenarios in my brain of what will happen or take place. I get nervous when my thoughts do this because I am afraid of what might happen from them. Luckily it went quite different than my thoughts played out it would be. I had a great time with those who showed up and for those who did not show up, well they missed out on a great adventure with our gang from high school. Those who showed up were Nickie and her oldest daughter, husband and family, Mike, and Diana and her family. We just sat around the campfire and talked about the good old days in high school. The fun times that we had growing up as seniors in high school. We talked about what we were doing today and what we’ve all been through ourselves as adults. I asked my friends a question that I often find myself questioning myself about. I asked them, “Is your life the way you pictured it would be back in high school when you though about life after high school?” I never really got a direct answer from any one of them.

I know reflecting on days back when I was a senior in high school, I never pictured my life the way it has turned out to be. I thought I would find someone to marry me and live happily ever after and have a family. Boy I was wrong on all accounts. I’ve been through 4 failed marriages, the 5th marriage she passed away on me, and the 6th marriage I am working on slowly. We have hit some bumps in the road but we are working together to work through things to make our marriage work. This is what relationships are about is working through the hiccups that come into your relationship and forgive each other. Move on and work together to fix the problems that arise in your marriage to keep yourself together. I spent from July 16th to July 19th at Alder Dunes and what a peaceful place to relax and let go of the world around you. 

  • One of the lakes at Alder Dunes July 2021

After we spent the weekend together and Diana’s younger daughter survived her hornet sting, we departed and I headed home while they stayed right there in Florence since they have a house there and they were going to do more camping during the week. I spent a little time driving around checking out Florence and seeing how much the town has changed from the time I lived there in 1980 to 1984 and back in 1989 was the very last time I was in Florence, Oregon. The town has changed a little bit since the last time I was there. Not like I remember it as a teenager growing up there. Our old neighborhood looks like something out of the stone age had gone in there and turned everything upside down. Not one of the houses looked like they were even taken care of from their owners. My heart sank as I drove past our old home and got to see what the house looks like. I can say at least it looked like someone was trying to take care of the house. The street that ran down past the high school had been paved and more houses put in on that street. I never drove by the high school, the neighborhood was enough for me. The last thing I had to see was the beach and the ocean. This is where I really got shocked to see how much the shoreline of the beach had changed. You used to be able to just walk over the hill to the beach on the North Jetty and now you must walk over several hills to get out to the beach. That is how much the coastline has changed there in Florence since the last time I was there.

Going home was not what I expected to find when I got over to our hometown. Little town of Florence has grown up to become a big city over on the Oregon coast. Ocean beaches are not even the same as I remember them growing up there. Going home was not like what I thought it would be for me. So much has changed that it’s hard to take in all the changes that have taken place there in Florence. Going back to your hometown where you grew up, has it changed much for you and if so, how did you handle all the changes that have taken place? What was it like for you for the first time driving into your hometown? How did you feel when you saw all the changes that had taken place over the years you were gone? Did your hometown feel like the same town you grew up in or was there a different atmosphere to what you were feeling? For me all the changes made to the town of Florence seemed like I was coming into a place that was not familiar to me. I felt like the atmosphere had changed in some way that it is hard to explain. The one thing that hasn’t changed over on the coast is the fact that they preserve the nature of its beauty and the landscape around the coastal shores. This has not changed. It was awesome to see the Rhododendron bushes all around you along with the ferns and the different trees on the side of the road. Along with the wild berries that grow with mother nature over there. Yes, I have to say going home was an eye opener for me to see how much each area has grown and changed over the past 33 years since I’d been back over in that area of Oregon. It was however great to be home once again. To be surrounded by the green landscape all around me and white sandy beaches there. Yes, I was home and it felt so good to be back there that I almost did not want to come home because I knew where I was, and I felt at peace with myself. Especially when I took a walk on the beach and was all by myself to just hear the foghorn come off the jetty mouth and listening to the ocean waves coming in. How peaceful this sound was to walk along the beach once again to just clear my thoughts like I used to as a teenager when I needed to clear my head from my thoughts that run through my head. This is what I really miss about the Oregon coast beaches, that there are not so many people on the beach, and you can have this time to yourself to clear your head from all your worries and converse with the Lord if you need to talk with Him. This is what I really miss about Florence and growing up and those friends that made feel that I was worth something to save myself from leaving this earth at that time. Thank you, my dear friends, for an awesome weekend, for helping remind myself what is truly important in our lives: friends and family. I hope you take time to travel back to your stomping grounds and take time to spend with your friends from high school and thank them for being there for in the time you needed it most. I learned that we have lost some of our classmates and my heart goes out to their family and friends. That we have had classmates injured from fatal accidents in their lives. May God be with you all and your journey upon this earth be in peace and strength. Yes, it was good to be home and among good friends this past weekend. May we all take the time to journey back to our hometown even if it is to see how much it has changed. You will see how much you have grown as a person, I guarantee you will see the difference in you after you visit your hometown once again.

What Are Leeches of Social Media?

What Are Leeches of Social Media?

What am I talking about here when I ask the question “What are leaches of social media?” I draw this more toward married men who wander on social media such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I am talking about these single women that love to prey upon the married men for some odd reason. I am not sure if it is because they feel that we are married we are made from gold in our pocket books. Do they prey upon us because we are tied to one woman which they themselves seem to lack the maturity of being in a committed relationship? Are they out to destroy any and all married men?

Why I bring this up is because I have had such experiences with the leeches of single women that prey upon men for materialistic items which they do not have because they themselves are still very young teenagers or adults that seem to have a major problem with budgeting their money wisely. I am not sure what gains they are seeking out by playing these head games with men out there or for me for example.

What is hard is these single women that leech on social media have a profile on Facebook that looks to be up front with their information. This is one thing that I have learned a very valuable lesson from Social Media Profiles that you can’t believe a thing that one person puts on their profile. Even if they are being honest it is very easy to be taken in by just the information in front of you rather than researching the person out before making friends with them. Even if this is going on your newsfeed and asking people on your timeline if they have heard of this person and know them and what they are all about. Be an investigator when these single women pop up and ask to be friends with you. Beware what you might get yourself into if you accept them as friends. I will explain more in detail.

Below is an example of what your profile page on Facebooks looks like with a list of information that you have achieved, where you have worked, where you have lived past to present, interests that you enjoy doing in your personal life, music that you enjoy listening to. The list can go on that you basically add to your home page on Facebook and the more that Facebook improves their social media site the better that we will be able show people the true us. The thing about these leeches that come onto Facebook their home page is basic like the example below.

This is what you will typically see when you go into these so-called leeches on social media who are seeking out married men. They will invite you to  become friends first then once you make friends with them, they contact you via Facebook Messenger first. Then once they get you talking and asking you some basic questions about yourself they will suggest that you go chat over on hangouts which is Google’s version of Messenger. For some reason they feel that they have to go over to this app rather than stay on Facebook Messenger. You should be familiar with both platforms and what they look like but for those who do not know what they look like I will show you an example of each used. The first example is a platform by the Macintosh Corporation. Those who use Macs as their main computer should be familiar with this text messenger. In this example I share what a typical conversation would look like between my wife and I as a normal text message as compared to these single leeching women who tend to use them to gain their trust in men to take them for all they are worth. They have no care in the world who they destroy as long as they get what they are seeking from these married men they seem to prey on. Yes, you married spouses need to be aware of leeching single women that are stalking the social media for your men for their pleasure by getting the materialistic things of this world they seek to gain from these married men they prey on.

I am not saying this is how a typical conversation would look like between a married couple but you get the idea of what text message should be like if two people really love each other and care bout each other.

For these leeching devil women that prey on married men through social media they practically will make the first move by inviting married or single men to become friends with them. This is where you need to walk the thin line married men. This is where these leeching devil women get you hooked and begin to reel you in. They will use Facebook Messenger first to contact you and this will be the example in 2.2 below that these leeching women will typically startup their conversation with you. Pay close attention to what I am going to show you because believe me married men, these leeching women are out there to get to you.

iMessenger Example 2.1
FaceBook Messenger Example 2.2

As you can see they invite you to become friends and most generally most of the friends that I typically make on Facebook are not as bold as these leeching women are to you men. They will use these first few lines to feel you out to see what type of person you are then they will go in and ask a few more basic questions about you until they get comfortable with you. This is when they pull the switch on you. This is what I call the double take for all of you to see how gullible you are if you’re willing to follow them. They will then ask you if you use Google Hangouts, which is just another messenger app that Google designed for their users to be able to send text messages. I’m not sure why they switch to using Hangouts but watch for this because if they do this and you follow them they’ve got you hook, line and sinker, married men. They have you right where they want you in the palm of their gritty little paws to take you for whatever you’re willing to dish out to them.

Once you cross over to their side you have crossed over to the devil’s side of hell. Believe me when I tell you this, as I am speaking from experience. These leeching women lurk in the dark corners waiting to come out and bite us on the butt if we are this gullible to believe their lies; we have it all coming to us because the devil knows what he’s got in his leeching little women here. These women will feed you two or three lines of crap and if you’re like me, you’re easy prey to fall for their lies.

My first encounter with these type of women I was willing to put myself into debt to help this person on the other end of this screen filled with text words, not evening knowing if the person was a she or he or if the person was her actual age that she was saying she was. They will tell you lies when you try to comfort them that they will fill you with more lies. “I told you Sweetheart that I am who I am. Why do you keep telling me that I am not who I am? You are hurting my feelings when you say these things. I thought you said you cared about me. If you cared about me you would trust that I am telling the truth.” I think these leeching women have played these lines over and over so many times that they wouldn’t know the truth if it bit them in the butt themselves. They will give you a story like I lost my business because my grandma  was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and we are about to lose our home because we don’t have the money to pay the rent. Then they will change their story a little as you go along. You tell them you will see what you can do to help them out. Dear, how much are going to help me out with? Can you put that into a Walmart or Target gift card? You tell them that the only way you are going to help them is to bring the money directly to them. This is where the story really takes a twist. You can’t come out here, she tells you. She keeps trying to tell you that you can’t come out there. You try to explain to her what you are doing, that you will come out to help her with her grandma and she keeps insisting that you cannot come out there. She doesn’t want you out there. If she really wants to know this seems really suspicious on her part. I mean you’re willing to pack your things and bring the money directly to her and she’s about to have a conniption fit right over the screen and you try to fully understand this person you are talking to. Yes, I am stating that it is a person on the other side of the screen. I mean come on, how much are you going to believe in this person’s story to fall for their scam? This is what they are doing to you married men. I don’t think they prey on the single men because this would be too easy to get what they want. From a married man it’s more challenging to see how much these leeching devil women can destroy the human being you are.

I know this because I have been twice burned by these type of women and they almost cost me to destroy the one good thing in my life that is more precious than their earthly possessions they seek out. But if you are like me with neurological disorders that plague your mind, you fall for these women like sweet candy on a stick and you are too gullible to really recognize when someone is lying right to your face.

To these leeching devil women of social media, this is just a game to them as long as they get what they want from you they do not care about your personal life. They are out to gain something for nothing and in the end some day their game is going to come back and bite them in the butt and then they will see how it feels to play with a married man and his woman that he belongs to. We live in a world that parents are not home to watch over their children after school. What else do these kids do but find ways to gain a fast high to get what they seek and at what cost are these children willing to risk their lives to gain earthly possessions? All they are is mortal man’s way to fix a high of happiness in this world until that happiness goes away and they have to seek another way to be happy in this world. When all the happiness is really an internal perspective. Rather than seek the earthly possessions why don’t you seek eternal glory with Heavenly Father and your Savior Jesus Christ?

Whoever you leeching devil women are, why don’t you go back and crawl underneath the rock that you came out of and stay there? You are not fun and games, all you are is love and war to gain a high or fix for something tangible that you feel in your hands and once that fix is gone you seek out another high or fix to replace the one you lost. You are a person that has no feelings for others but your own. You prey up those who are the weakest that have no back bone to go tell your lost soul to get lost. You prey on married men because you feel that they have more to lose than to gain from your lying games you play. What are you going to do when the devil no longer needs your services?

It is like the gambler: he knows when to play them and knows when to fold them. When are you people going to learn your preying games are about to catch up with you? For me I have changed my settings in Facebook so not just anyone can come in to make friends with me. You have to belong to one of my friends to become a friend of mine on my Facebook account. Even then, if I personally do not know you I will not accept you as my friend. I trust no one and I am going to stick to my old policy. I am done being prey to these leeching Devil women on social media.

Summer Is Around The Corner

Summer is just around the corner for some of us that work with children for a living. This is the time that most families plan vacations for the whole family. It is also a time for summer sports and fun parks to open their doors again for the summer season. 

Reflecting on my childhood I can remember where I spent most of my summer vacations and we will be going there in August for a family reunion. I can recall the great times my older two siblings and I had at that time growing up. One time we went down along the creek bed just enjoying Mother Nature at her best when my older two siblings noticed a curious animal slowly making its way across the creek. My older brother yelled out it’s a horse, when my sister turned and said no it is a cow. I then said no that is a moose and by that time it was moving a little faster across the creek and I wasn’t going to wait around to find out what was going to happen! I turned and high tailed it out of there before I became very acquainted with our new friend we discovered. I was the first one out of the three of us to make it back to the lot that my parents bought together. That lot up in Island Park, Idaho would become my second home to me until my parents moved our family out to Oregon. From that day I missed going up to Island Park on the weekend with my family. I felt like it was the only place that I could connect to beside my personal belongings. A place that I could be free from the outside world and not have a care in the world for anything but me and mother nature. 

I grew up loving the great outdoors. This is one thing that my dad gave to our family when he met my mother and they become one as a couple. My stepdad at the time would take us down to his favorite fishing hole. Down to Lower Coffee Pot and for a little guy that was a walk and a half into the fishing hole, but I recall we came out of there with some nice trout. Even when he took us down to McKay’s Bridge on the Palisade Reservoir, we would bring them home. Even in the creek right down off the main road we would catch some nice trout. I learned how to fish the rivers and creek beds from my dad. I never really got to share hunting like my older brother did as we were growing up. But I was able to share some good hunting trips with him as well after moving out to Oregon. He sure taught me how to enjoy Mother Nature at her best during the summer months in Island Park as I was growing up.

This was the only time I can recall that I was at peace with the demons that haunted my head as a child. There was no doctor at that time who could ever give my mother a straight answer to my outbursts of anger as a child. Part of me seemed to outgrow and learn to deal with my issues myself and moved on with life. Part of me still misses those days as a child running free up in the mountains and not have to worry about the world around us.

Today I still look forward every year right around the first weekend in August when my mother’s side of the family gathers up at the family lot in Island Park for our family reunion. Every year I get to take my wife back to the place where I spent my summers as a child growing up as a little boy with a lot of issues that I was dealing with at that time. Those days I will cherish for the rest of my life. I enjoy going back to my old fishing holes even though they are not like they were when I was a little boy. The old wooden bridge that went across the reservoir at the time growing up and would get washed out by the reservoir rising has been torn down and a new bridge that is higher has taken its place. Lower Coffer Pot has been discovered by outsiders and the trail from the main road to get back into Lower Coffee Pot they cut a road back into the trail that takes you down to the river. Once people discovered these off beaten path fishing holes, they have no care for Mother Nature, all they care about is the fishing hole. Lower Coffee Pot like most other fishing spots up in Island Park has been fished out from those who seem to discover them and push out those like myself wanting a quiet place to fish is no longer around. They do not care about where you are fishing either, they will come in and fish right over top of you. What I grew up with as a boy in Island Park has changed so drastically from the time I was a boy growing up to the man that I am now that the creek is not even the same as it was when I was a little boy. The only thing that hasn’t really changed over the years as I keep going up is the fresh smell of pole pines and cool summer breeze coming down off the mountain top. Sure, the bark beetle has killed off a lot of the pole pines up there. But the forest service has replanted to replace those pole pines that were killed off. Still going up the Ashton hill climbing up into Mother Nature is a site of wonder to always be able to come home to every summer I get a chance to make it back up there.

Those days as a little boy may be gone but the memories that I was able to make will be with me forever. For those days I was able to spend with my dad up there and having him teach me how to fish and enjoy Mother Nature will always be there to reflect on. In coming years that I get to return and share with my family and friends the one place I felt more free from all worry in the world I could be myself and feel free with no worries. I am grateful for my grandparents for taking on the lot and keeping it in the family once my family moved to Oregon. I know I will always have a place of refuge that I will always be able to return to, to relieve all the stress from the world behind and enjoy the quietness of Mother Nature at her finest in one place that I can always call my home away from home.

Most kids do not know the meaning of growing up like this today. They do not experience the great outdoors. They’d rather be on their modern technology rather then spending time getting too close to Mother Nature. I bet I take a bunch of kids today and take them backpacking up in Mother Nature, not one of them would last a day out there. Because they cannot stay in contact with friends and family and be away from technology to enjoy Mother Nature at her finest. If parents would take more time with their family and explore their back yards like my parents did with me and my siblings, we might have a better world to live in. The kids today would appreciate what they have in their life. Not having everything handed to them like most parents do today. I get that you might not have had those things as a kid but to just give them to your kids what are you really teaching them? Like my dad, he taught me to appreciate what I must be grateful for what is in front me. The Boy Scouts of America has really paved the way for who I am as a person. Even though they may have some flaws within their organization, they have done good for others in this world. I will stand up for the Boy Scouts of America even after they are not around any longer. I am a Boy Scout and still believe there is good that comes from young men and women who join and they will learn many new skills that they may not have a chance to learn otherwise.  

Parents today do not spend quality time with their children to make a greater impact on their lives. I am not saying all parents are like this, but I am saying that there is a majority out there that don’t spend as much as they should with their children. We are examples that they look up to every day of their lives. They walk in our footsteps every day that they grow. What we teach our children today will be what they will learn to become in the future. How they will deal with life situations. As long as we as parents lay the right groundwork with our children all we can do is hope that they will take what we teach them and make the right choices in their life. If they do not, then we stand behind them, support them and help them get through whatever trouble they get into. Hopefully by this choice they will learn next time not to make the same choice again. My parents laid their groundwork on me, and I learned the hard way in some life choices that I made but at the same time I learned not to make the same mistake twice and learn from my first choice that I did was wrong. The groundwork starts with us as parents to mold our children into the adults that some day they will become to their family they may have. Just remember one thing as parents your children are only young once in their lifetime. Help them build memories like my parents did with me and my siblings. Believe me if I had children today in my life, I would do all I could to be part of their lives. Doing the same thing my dad did with me when I was growing up. Getting them out in the great outdoors and enjoying life away from the real world of living as much as possible. Help your children have good memories of their childhood so when they grow into adults, they will share this with their family as well. Maybe the great outdoors is not your thing, just find something that your family can do together and go do it and start by building memories together as my dad did with me. To all the parents out there that read this I pray that you think about what I have written here and maybe think about changing a few things in your family’s lives today because of what I have shared with you. If you don’t and you want to write a comment below telling me how you really feel about what I spoke about, I’d love to hear your comments. I will do my best to respond back to your comments that you post on here.

Aspergers Syndrome

Are you one of those people who, as a child, grew up and was a little different than your siblings or other kids? Maybe you would find yourself struggling with comprehending information that you read. When your younger siblings would catch on before you would. You couldn’t understand someone joking with you or playing a joke on you. You would struggle with making friends throughout your school days. You wondered why your friends could keep longer relationships than yourself. You would notice that you got so upset that you would go into your room and destroy everything. Your mother had to sit there by the door waiting until you would calm down enough that she knew you would not hurt yourself or anyone in the home. You would begin to hit your head against the wall, repeating over and over that you’re sorry for what you had done to your bedroom. 

My mother watched her little man that she first brought home from the hospital go from a warm, cuddling baby to a baby that didn’t want to be held or touched. I would cry all the time and would have odd hours of sleeping. Yet, the doctors told her that I was progressing like any other baby boy my age. She noticed that I didn’t start talking until after my father left my mother. I began to talk up a storm and no one could get me to stop talking. I learned to climb, and was in everything I could get my hands on. My mother started noticing that my behavior changed as I get older and getting ready to start school soon. As I began to enter kindergarten they found I was well behind my peers and they encouraged my mother to hold me back a grade. I don’t have a say in this and they sent me back to preschool to start the school year. I did not understand why they held me back, I just did what everyone else told me I had to do. There were days that I didn’t feel like going to school and there was no one who was going to make me go. I didn’t care how many people it took to put me into the van, I was not going and that was that. I would find my mother, dad, older brother and sister, and driver of the preschool van had to hold me and was packing me out to the van and I was fighting them all the way. I was holding onto everything I could get my hands onto to try and stop them getting me into the van to school that day. When I got to school the preschool teacher had to deal with my behavior that day. I was not having anything to do that day, it did not matter if I was at school or not. I refused to do anything they asked me to do and when they tried I would get upset and start throwing objects across the classroom. This would progress throughout my grade school years and my mother was doing all she could to find the answers to the disruptive behavior that I was having. 

My family was always on the move. Every time I turned around it felt mother was packing up again. I told myself “why make friends when we are not going to be here long enough to bother to make friends”. I was always having to adjust to a new school every year school would start. Then that day came that I got that one teacher that is strict by the books. She ran her classroom with discipline that every time I turned around I found myself in the principal’s office or find myself being taken downstairs and left in the dark basement alone to sit for misbehaving in class. Later on in my adult life, I shared this story with my mother who didn’t know this had taken place. If I stop to think about it, if I were smarter back then I could have snuck out the side door and went home and nobody would have known I was gone until they went down and got me from downstairs. This homeroom teacher finally had enough of dealing with my misbehaviors that they called my parents in for a meeting. In this meeting they came right out and told my parents that they either get me help, or they will be forced to take it into their own hands. They basically told my parents in that meeting that they get me help or they were going to have me put away and throw the key away. This was the public school’s solution to children like me that had behavioral problems, to have us locked up in a mental institution. That is the only way they knew how to deal with these types of situations in their schools.

My parents did what only parents would do who care for their children. They sought out help for me. This is when I took a long road trip away from my siblings. Not fully understanding what eleven year old would, I grew up feeling like my parents didn’t want to deal with me anymore and sent me away so they wouldn’t have to. My parents never found out that this is how I felt until I was much older and had been through hell and back. This is when I shared this with my mother about how I felt on that day when they took me to Primary Children’s Hospital where I spent a year and half of my life. I was almost thirteen when I was able to come home. Even then they could not tell my parents what was wrong with me at that time. I would grow into an adult before I would begin to have the pieces of the puzzle of my life come together for me. 

The first time I would be tested for any disability would be in 1990 when I got with Vocational Rehabilitation to help me better my education so that I could find good employment for my future and marriage at that time. This is when I was first diagnosed with middle Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It wouldn’t be until after my first divorce that I would find another piece of the puzzle. I was seeing the state psychologist when he diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder in 2001. I went through three more divorces and got into my relationship with my wife Julie, when she got me with her psychologist doctor that she was seeing, and he filled the rest of the missing puzzle pieces in one diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in 2007. One of his counselors that I was working with besides my doctor diagnosed me with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I didn’t realize that my doctor diagnosed me with Asperger’s Syndrome until my wife that I am currently married to was reading through my medical report that my doctor wrote up on me and she caught this as she was reading the report about me.

What Is Autism Spectrum?

I have decided to do some of my own research on Asperger’s Syndrome to understand more about the disorder. I have come to find out that professionals are now looking at this disorder as a separate entity. Professionals are now putting these disorders under one category rather than having them under separate entities. You may have heard the professionals call this disorder Autism Spectrum.

Having gone through my life wondering why my behavior is a little off more days than the other days, I found I am not alone with this. There are millions of American adults out there today that have gone undetected like me as a child. There are adults that know they have something that is not right about their behavior but are afraid to get help and by the time they do seek help it is usually too late for them to get the help they needed at that time. I am telling you from one adult to the next do not be afraid to seek out professional help. I’d rather see you six feet up than six feet under the ground or sitting behind bars because you didn’t understand what you did wrong in the first place. I walked into my psychologist’s office one day after my wife and I moved from California to Nampa, Idaho so that my wife could attend Boise State to earn her master’s degree in Early Childhood and Special Education. When my wife and I walked into the office the psychologist was surprised to see me sitting in front of her desk. She started to talk to us and said, “I am surprised that you’re here today in my office. I have clients with files like yours and they’re either six feet under or behind bars. What has made the difference for you?” I gave her a puzzled look because this is the first time I have been approached with this type of question about my personal life. I came back telling her it was because of my family and having my Savior Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father in my life that care about me. She then came back and told me “No, it is because you seek out help that you are sitting here in my office today.”

I never really thought about it that way. I just knew after my first failed marriage that I needed to change my life and if this meant reaching out to my doctor to get on medication for ADHD then that is what I was going to do. I have not looked back since that day. I noticed a difference right away how my whole outlook on life had changed. I could focus on what was in front of me and found it easier to keep focus on tasks that I would be doing. Do not get me wrong here. I am not saying that medication is the answer to every problem. There are those who have to live life without the medication and learn how to deal with everything around them. It is hard but they do it. What I’m getting at is don’t be afraid to reach out and find help. More people today are more aware of disabilities and are willing to work with you so that you live a productive life.

I am 56 years old. I have four unsuccessful marriages because of not being fully aware of all my disabilities which played a big part in why my relationship with my former spouses did not work out. Number five marriage was where I learned a great deal about myself as a person. A person with a few disabilities that I have had to deal with in my life. Which helps when you have someone else who has disabilities as you do and understands what you are dealing with at the same time. What is sad is when you find that person you really hope to spend the rest of your life with, but find out that God has other plans for you and her as well. I found myself saying goodnight for last time to her that night, which I didn’t know it would be my last time saying goodnight to her and that I loved her. She was my rock that held me together. That made my whole world complete. 

There was no one else I wanted to share my life with but her. I thought this at the time; I would be waking up from a deep sleep having my wife’s aid that would help her with daily tasks, running up to our room because my wife was downstairs sleeping in a hospital bed at the time. She was not able to make it up and down our stairs in our house. We setup the hospital bed in the room downstairs. I would have been sleeping in there with her if our bed could have been moved downstairs easy. The moral of this story is my wife passed away in her sleep early that morning. We just do not know when our time is going to be up on this earth. My wife and I were planning as if she would get better that we would take a trip out to California to visit her twin brother and wife and my sister. That we were going to do all these things once she got feeling better. I was faced with funeral costs and saying my last goodbyes to her in a coffin.

Then when my heart felt it could not love again like I did with my wife Julie, my little sister introduces me to my wife now… we have been together going on ten years.  I have to say that you may think that this is not a big deal but if you understand anything about Autism Spectrum, they consider people like me not to be able to handle holding onto a long-lasting relationship as marriage. Specialists have said in what I have read so for that it is not likely that we are able to function outside of our home on our own. Nor are we able to handle going on with higher education. There are some of us that do and live a pretty normal life outside of our home. There are those of us that have trouble dealing with Social Communication, Social Interaction, Social Imagination. Even though I live outside on my own and I am married to a wonderful person that puts up with me every day 24 hours a day 7 days a week, she is my rock that holds my feet on the ground. Along with my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. I could not do it without these two personages in my life and my wife who sticks behind me even when I can be a pain in the butt at times. She will not admit this to you, but I know that I do get underneath her skin at times. Even if she won’t admit it right out to me. 

I think one thing that has helped me to understand the person I am is taking the time to research each of my disabilities and understanding what triggers each one and recognizing these triggers when they occur. I know that attending higher education has contributed to the factor of me being able to deal with everyday life situations. In the fact that I did not know any better than getting up everyday and making an honest living for myself and learned how to deal with unknown for half my childhood I feel has played in the fact I am able to deal with my life as good as I do for a person with High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder.  

When you think of Autism Spectrum you have to understand it on a three-level scale. Level 3 is Classic Autism which is on the low functioning spectrum of autism.  Then you have level 2 which is sits in the middle of level 3 and level 1. Which brings us to level 1 which is the high functioning end of Classic autism spectrum. Level 3 is where you will see the learning disability and mental disability in autism spectrum. In level 1 you will see Asperger’s Syndrome which from the outside appearance we seem as normal human beings that should be capable of handling everyday life situations that come our way. As you take a closer look at us and once you get to know the person who we are, you understand that underneath our appearance is like a teenage kid inside an adult body. We may seem like we can keep up with conversation, deal with large crowds around us, and that we have pretty good social skills. Underneath all this is not all truth that you see; we stand there trying to focus in the conversation going on but we often may get lost between the first and last part of the conversation and start talking about something that’s already been discussed among the group. We can get really stubborn at times and get set in our ways especially when you have other disabilities along with HFASD. For myself I have to do certain things a certain way in a certain order, if I get out of my order, I get lost of what I was doing and I may forget to do something that is important at that moment that someone interrupted me to go help them with another project. I have to use certain applications to create certain jobs on the computer because I know that those applications are built to do those kinds of tasks much easier. Many people use word processing applications to make newsletters. I know there are better applications to use.

When someone tells you that they have Asperger’s Syndrome they are telling you that they have High Functioning Autism. This means if you look on the autism scale, they are on the high end of the spectrum which means that they have Asperger’s Syndrome or ASD level 1 or they have been diagnosed with a specific high-functioning autism.   

What Causes Autism?

  This is a good question to ask yourself. The truth is nobody really knows the answer to this question. Most experts will argue that it is passed down through the family genes. Experts say that one of the parents has the gene but has never be diagnosed themselves with the disability. Others claim that it is influenced in the womb by certain conditions that the mother had or even postnatal incidents, but all these ideas are still in their infancy.

What is The Trail of Impairments?

There are three areas that experts say that people with autism experience difficulties in. These are known as Trail of Impairments. These are:

  • Social Communication – interpreting spoken and unspoken language
  • Social interaction – the unwritten rules of social relationships
  • Social imagination – understanding how other people think (1).

Even though you can treat each of these under their own categories, all three may overlap each other; therefore think of the three as the Trail of Impairments as difficulties with socializing (1).

How Does Autism Affect Social Communication?

The one thing that people need to understand about those who have high functioning autism, is they have difficulties with interpreting the non-verbal language that makes up our human communication. I touched on these in the first part of my article on autism. But I will discuss them again here. They are posture, hand gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice. 

The problem with this is a person with high functioning autism cannot differentiate a smile from a frown or hostile tone from a friendly one, to those who have a general understanding of these areas in theory, even with practice they may get them wrong. How would you feel living your life like these people do who cannot differentiate these simple things that normal society we can recognize these when we see them? Drew states “We can also struggle with regulating our own body language and voices, finding it difficult to express ourselves in a way that other people can sufficiently understand (1). We even have trouble making eye contact with other people. There are many occasions when I am talking with my wife that she has to remind me to lower my voice and to me I don’t seem that my voice is getting louder. There have been times in previous marriages that I have been accused of yelling and when in reality I wasn’t yelling, my voice was getting louder which made it seem to another person that I was yelling. I felt like I was being attacked by the other person that I was having the conversation with.

These problems that arise like this with people with autism often have a literal interpretation of language, which comes down to pedantics about grammar and meaning (1). Levy and Perry state “that unpredictability adds complexity, uncertainty to social action” (2). Social change with those people who have HFASD are pervasive and long-lasting, unlike ASD-related traits may lessen over time (2). Adults with HFASD have trouble understanding other people socially. Many adults with HFASD lack the nonverbal skills of communication such as eye contact, body language, proximity, or facial expressions. They may also have trouble with pragmatic language, misinterpret other’s communicative intent and struggle with verbal skills (3).

There is help for those who may feel that they have HFASD. You can find a list below to go online to reach out for help. If you are an adult who is struggling, do not be afraid to reach out for help before it is too late. I had one of my psychologists ask me how I was able to walk into her office and be sitting there in front of her. With a puzzled look on my face at first, I didn’t understand what she was talking about. She went on to explain that with all that I had going on with me, her other clients like myself were either six feet under the ground or sitting behind bars. I responded to her because of my family and having my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ in my life. She responded back to me by saying, “No it’s because you reach out for help that you are not like my other clients that I have.” Please reach out and seek out help while you can. There is hope for us as adults to live a happy semi-normal life if we just seek out for help.   

  1. Drew, G. (2017). An adult with an autism diagnosis: A guide for newly diagnosed. Kingsley Publishers. Philadelphia, PA
  2. Levy, A., & Perry, A. (2001). Outcomes in adolescents and adults with autism: A review of the literature.  Research in Autism Spectrum Disorder, 5, 1271-1282. in Tincani, M., & Bondy, A. (2014). Autism spectrum disorders in adolescents and adults. Isbn 978-1-4625-2615. The Guilford Press, New York, NY
  3. Barnhill, G. P. (2007). Outcomes in adults with Asperger syndrome. Focus on Autism and other Developmental Disabilities, 22, 116- 126 in Tincani, M., & Bondy, A. (2014). Autism spectrum disorders in adolescents and adults. Isbn 978-1-4625-2615. The Guilford Press, New York, NY 

Moony

A small dog playing with a kite Description automatically generated
“Moony at 6 weeks old”

Moony

My wonderful wife has a friend from high school that lives in Texas. She posted on Facebook that she had puppies that she was looking for good homes for. When I first saw our Moony girl, I knew she was the dog for me. I fell in love with her the moment that I saw her. I knew she had to come home to us. I texted my wife at work and shared the picture of Moony with her and she asked me what she was asking for them. I texted my wife back and told her that I wasn’t sure what she was asking for the puppies. This is when I contacted my wife’s friend (Denise) back to ask her what she was asking for her puppies. She responded back to me to let me know that they were free. I then texted my wife back and let her know that they were free. When my wife came home from work she let me know that we would be going to Texas to pick up Moony. 

I was so excited with the news that she brought home to me. I was like a little boy for the first time getting my own puppy. I began to count down the days when we would be taking our trip down to Texas to pickup our new addition to our family. We weren’t sure what type of breed of dog she was. My wife’s friend wasn’t sure what type of dog they were either. She wasn’t sure who the father was as well. She had a feeling that it might be the brother of the mother or not.

  The drive down to Texas seemed like eternity to get there. I had a hard time going to sleep that night when we arrived at our motel. Knowing that the next day we would be driving out to my wife’s friend’s house to pick up our Moony girl and be meeting her for the first time made me too excited.  My wife’s friend came and met us at a gas station, that way we could follow her out to her house and not get lost by trying to find her house by ourselves. 

“Moony at 9 weeks old”

Upon arriving we pulled our car up the driveway and parked. We got out and stood there and visited for a few minutes, then she introduced the four puppies to us. I didn’t know what to think when I got there and opened the door and walk over to where she was playing with her three other sisters. If you want my opinion, I would have taken all four of the puppies if we had the place to house them and care for them.  A thought came to me that there was my dog sled team right there in those four puppies. I knew we did not have the room for all four of them. I was able to walk over and meet our new addition to our family, Moony.  She was everything we hoped she would be and more. The moment I picked her up she snuggled right to me and I knew she was my dog. Right there she just melted my heart for this little lady. This is all it took for me. I knew at that moment I was not going to let anything happen to her. God placed her in my care now; I was going to care for her with every fiber of my being that I have to give our Moony girl a good home to live in. On that day she lifted my spirit to a new height that I cannot explain how I felt. How I am feeling right now, when I wake up every morning to a bright, bubbly, playful puppy that she is. 

 I first recognized the Beagle in her because she looks a lot like my old Beagle/Husky that I had a long time ago. She even howls like my Beagle did when she needs out to go to the bathroom This is when I really got to looking at her, she had all the markings of the beagle in her face features. My wife at first would try to tell me that Beagles do not howl. I did not push the issue, I just let it go.  Then my wife would try to tell me that she is not a Beagle because she did not have the Beagle floppy ears. I told my wife if she has another breed in her so she would not necessarily have the Beagle ears.

This is when I turned to our famous search engine today, Google, where we all turn to find answers that we are seeking for.  Google! What would we do without Google in our world today? It is like a modern-day Encyclopedia right at our fingertips with trillions of information at the click of a button. I opened up Google and searched for Beagle puppies and sure enough you could see the markings of the Beagle in her. We knew that she had one other breed in her. We thought we had pinpointed the second breed to a Rottweiler. I was taking Moony for a walk when I stopped and started to talk with a lady who lives in the same park as we do. Moony loves meeting new people so I stopped so that Moony could visit with her. As a service dog you want them to be able to get along with people. Every opportunity we get to allow a person who wants to meet Moony to do so. This just helps her to be more friendly around people in social gatherings. We got to talking about our dogs and she asked me what type of puppy Moony was.  At first, I explained that we were not sure what type of breed she was. Then I began to tell her about doing research on Google and I began to explain to her that we pinned her breed to beagle/Rottweiler mix. 

She then told me when I stopped and let her visit with Moony that she didn’t see Rottweiler in her but could see the Beagle in her, but she said that she sees more of the Australian Cattle Dog in her than the Rottweiler. From this lady and the help of Google again looking up Australian Cattle puppies we could see the resemblance in Moony in the Beagle/Australian Cattle or (Blue Heeler) puppies.

Between the two breeds she has in her, she is a pistol that has lots of energy and will need to be taken out and exercised on a daily basis to get out that bowl full of energy that she has in her. Trying to go to bed is another chore itself. Trying to get her to calm down in the evenings before we go to bed is tough.  I am hoping that I can get enough exercise for her during the day that this will wear her down towards the evenings before my wife and I head to bed.

I spent this morning working with her to try and teach her that when she is on the bed this means it is time to settle down. Moony did pretty good for our first training session; we still have a long way to go before she fully understands what we are working on, but I have faith that she will get there down the road. I will work with her first thing in the mornings, that way I can get my schoolwork done. Also get my personal writing done as well. 

 The other thing my wife and I are trying to work with Moony is not to bite at us every time she gets up on the bed. Especially when we are trying to lay down and go to sleep. I know what you are thinking right about now. Why don’t you put her down on the floor and sleep in her own bed? Because I have let my other dogs sleep with us on our bed and we are not going to change what we have done in the past with our other dogs. We just need to work with her and let Moony know that we are the Alpha in the house and when she comes up on the bed this means that it is not time to play but time to lay down and get ready for bed

Moony is desperately trying to make friends with our five cats we have. Most of the cats are not having anything to do with her. However, there is one that has begun to tolerate her and has started to play with her a little. Our big cat Marco gets a little rough with the other cats when he plays with them. However, he tends to hold his own with Moony. The problem that Moony has is she tries to be herd them like they are her cattle that need to be herded and they are not having this at all.

Having these two mixed breeds in a dog you will have a lot to work with. Australian Cattle Dog and Beagle mixed are very high wired dogs that need a lot of running space and not be tied down in a house all day. That is why I am trying my best to take Moony out for walks every time we go out to use the bathroom. This way she gets the exercise that she needs throughout the day. Australian Cattle Dog or Blue Heeler is what they are commonly known as were bred to help the cattlemen herd the cows and sheep on their farms. They are very intelligent dogs and can learn very quickly if you really work with them every day. We have Moony sitting, laying, sitting up, and shake. I haven’t tried working with her on roll just yet. We are just working with these tricks right now, but I know that we will get there with her. It is going to take time and teamwork working with her on these tricks. Both breeds are very loving family dogs and are loyal to their owners.

Beagles were bred for hunting in England. Their size made it easy for the hunters to carry them on the back of their horses when hunting. They are good for hunting small game such as rabbits, foxes and other small animals. Beagles tend to have a mind of their own, yet, you can train them to do what you want them to do. It takes a lot of patience and time to work with them. You also need to keep your commands to one or two words only because your beagle’s mind is wired to think this way. Do not underestimate the intelligence that a beagle has, because even though they only understand one- or two-word commands, beagles are very smart. For example: if you want them to lie down you have to tell them down or point down to the ground. You cannot tell them to ‘Lie Down’ or you will lose them. Another example is ‘Sit Down’; you cannot tell them to do this or they will never listen to you. All you have to do is tell them to ‘Sit’. They also have a keen sense of smell and once they lock on a scent, have fun trying to get them away from it because they will pick it back up the minute you set them back on the ground. Often times beagles will just stare at you in the face and go back to doing what they were doing.

To a beagle your hands seem to be a toy to them if you let them get away with this. They will sit there and bite at your hands and when you try to tell them to stop, they will often think you are still playing with them. This is when you have to put your hands behind you and tell them enough. If this does not work say the word ouch every time they go to bite you. This mimics when they are playing with their mother or siblings and they yelp out after one of them gets too rough while playing. We are dealing with this with Moony and it has been really hard to get her to stop because even when I put my hands behind me she tends to jump at my face and then I have to use my hands to block her from going after my face; then she thinks you’re still playing with her. I finally started getting up off the bed and leaving the room and this seems to be working. I will see how it goes for the week and keep you posted on how this works with training her. 

We are also working with her chewing items besides her toys and this is a challenge because she will take the item and run away with it before you can catch her. She is also at the age that puppies love to chew on everything that they can get into their mouths and we are now having to put everything up away from her reach. This way she will not be attempted to chew on these items. It has been a while since we have had a puppy and have forgotten what it is like to raise one, but we are getting there. The one good thing that we have little problem with is potty training her to go outside to use the bathroom. Even though she has been an outside dog, she has been pretty good to let us know when she needs out. 

Moony has had some accidents using the bathroom in the house. Yet, most of the time she let us know if she needs out by her bark or by a whimper sound. Other times that she has an accident is when she is running around playing with us or her toys and gets too excited that she forgets to let us know she needs out and just stops what she is doing and goes right there because she’s been an outside dog. She never had to worry about having to tell someone that she needed out before. 

She is a people person dog! Everyone that she comes in contact with she wants to go say ‘hello’ to them.  This is hard for her to understand at times when you have to tell her ‘no’, they are busy doing their thing. They do not need to have you bother them. This is a good thing because we got her to be a service dog for me. We need her to be friendly around people as long as I am going to have her in the public with me all the time. This is one good thing about beagles and blue heelers they are good around people. They are people person dogs. We were looking for another good service dog for me and she fit right in with what we were looking for in a service dog for me. Moony is good around other dogs. She tries to make friends with them. It does not matter what size the dog is. She will go right up to them, if you let her. This is where we have to be very cautious with her because other dogs are not as friendly as she is. 

Moony is like a little child that is learning as they are trying to grow.  You are trying to discipline when they do something wrong. They will push you to your limits. Well Moony is one of those puppies that will push you to the very edge just to see how much she can get away with until we will start to correct her misbehaviors. Like children you have to love and be patient with them if you are to teach them right from wrong. This may take some time on our part as puppy owners, but in the end, it is all worth the work you put into your puppy or a child that you are raising. 

Like the old saying goes, “A dog is man’s best friend.”  You have to love them and be patient with your puppy. A puppy will come around, just give it time. You will see how much your hard work goes into training your puppy that you’re the Alpha in the house. What you teach your puppy will be greatly rewarded in the very end. My advice to you puppy owners, don’t give up on them. You will come to understand that they all need human companionship like the rest of us do. Our puppies we taken into our lives, just need a little bit of guidance to help them grow into an adult dog that will become your best friend in the end. Moony is my pride and joy, even though she may get on our nerves at times. Sometimes she will not listen to a word you are trying to say to her, and this makes training a puppy frustrating at times. You still have to love these little beasts. I would not trade our Moony for anything in this world. A dog is truly man’s best friend if you will allow them into your life.

Written by L.A. White

Silence About Black Life Matters

I have tried to keep silence about How I have felt about Black Life Matters. I cannot seem to sit idle any longer and continue to watch what they doing to our local communities that I have to speak about my feeling about this topic here and know.

We only watch what is going on through the media. We cannot believe everything we see and read because the media tells what going to sell their network to community they are in. What we see is not the whole truth behind the story that is laid out before us. This why we as citizen need to spend time doing our research behind what the media plays for us.

Then we have our wonderful government that sits in Washington in silence as more and more riots and destruction of these communities get turned up side down.

Their solution to the police brutality is to disarm our law enforcement. Leaving the communities open to getting more attacks on our officers that trying desperately to get order back in their cities and towns that those who call themselves Black Life Matters.

If you want my honest opinion all lives matter. It does not matter what color your skin is. All life matters. Society does owe anything to any body in this world for what happens to race. I do not care if you are African American. Native America, Hispanic, Mexican, and Oriental. We have all be through some sort discrimination no matter what our skin color is.

This Black Life Matters need to try this crap in their own country. If they feel they have so bad here we can send you black asses back to Africa and you deal what your race is dealing with in Africa. Your race has it whole lot better here than in Africa. Least your children are not being drag off and being forced to gone the gorillas like they are in Africa. Yes, you all been target since first African American came over to United States. But you have not had it any worse than any other race in this country.

Black Life Matters keep riots continuing to pledge our cities and towns that they do not give a rats ass about anyone or anything but their black ass and you continue to destorying hard earn tax dollars that you as citizen who works hard for a living and pay your taxes like you should; so that our community will be safe. When our community have people like Black Life Matters that feel spending more time rioting for a injustice cause that was brought upon several bad law officer that decided to take justice in there own hands. We as society takes upon ourselves and start pointing the finger at every law officer are corrupted.

It does not matter if it is race, gender, and color; as society we are fast to point the finger at one certain person who is the blame for the problem, we blame all of group because of one person action against another human being that have committed a crime or is out of the norm in society that whole group is routine to the core.

Then this makes bad on the other part of the group that is not like those who step out bounds and take justice in their own hands because they feel that one less person in that group is here to worry about. One less African American is not on the street to cause harm to others.

That law officer needs to answer to their crimes they committed. We as society need to wake up and realize not to pointing our fingers at everyone in a single group. That when one has made a bad choice that this does not mean all are routine to apple core.

Is the Black Life Matters getting justice by taking upon themselves in destroying private property like they have, with no care in the world but for themselves. That the only thing that matters is the color of your skin. That we are so blind to the nature of the cause. That we are harming our brothers and sisters that it does not matter the color of skin.

God see all things, he knows all things, because He knows all things and hears all things means that he knows you heart and your soul. That we will have to answer to our crimes on this earth whether this be by human laws or Gods laws we will all to answer to our action. God sees all of us as one race in His eyes. There is no black and white in his eyes. That why our four Fathers that when they wrote the constitution that God hands were there helping writing the constitution.

We need to stop and think before we react to any situation that we get into. Does two wrongs make a right in this world. All we are doing is playing right into their hands when react the society has over George Floyd death and other African American who has died in the care of a law officer who took justice in his own hands.

Does this make it right for society to retaliate the way they are. It makes me sick to see social media play upon these riots likes it’s what every American wants to see. There is a right way to fight for justice and a wrong way to fight for it. This way is Lucifers way to bring society down to his level.

This does not mean we as a society in whole group take justice in our own hand. Two wrongs do not make it right in Gods eyes. Jesus Christ teaches us to love thy enemy. Even when we find it hard to do so.

I had to bit what a person my late wife and I offered our home to so that she would have a roof over her head. How did she pay us back by stilling my wife and I drugs and taking my wife life.

If anyone has the right to hate someone that is me. But I have learn with Jesus Christ help I have learned to turn the other cheek and forgive her, but this does not mean I have to for get what she has taken from me. I have turn the Matter back over to God and let Him deal the matter. Jesus Christ taught us, to love thy enemy as thy self. No matter what our enemy has done to us.

Why do think Jesus Christ taught us to forgive our enemy. He teach us this so that we will not allow it to consume our life to have so much hate for that person. We have remember our action upon this earth we will have to answer to in the second coming. Which most people in society does not comprehend this as human beings.

Because if we love our enemies justice will prevail upon those that have done us wrong. We as society needs to wake up and see what we doing to each other.

Lucifer who is about lies and deceit to those who follow him. This is what Black Life Matters this is Lucifer tool to destroy the human race as we now it know. He does not care about who gets to follow him as long as he gets what he wants he will win the battle and we as society is doing a good job of allowing him into our minds when we as society does not see that everyone of us in this world is equal in Gods eyes.

That why he made sure this was put into the constitution. To help us as mortal men know that none of us is perfect in this world. That we all have free agency to choose what we do this life. But what people have forgotten that upon judgement day you will be responsible for your own action.

I know for me I want leave this earth with clear conscience when I depart from this earth life. I am one who see that humanity in this world is created equal in God, Christ, and my eyes that all human race equal. Those that take upon themselves to create havoc in this world only service one master and his name is Lucifer.

They are the ones who do not care that they destroying their hard earn tax dollars that pay for all those police vehicles that they destroying a long with the police station, businesses, and statues that are in their community.

I fully understand the frustration that African American are feeling like today. I do! With those police officer that have taken upon themselves to target the African American community in general. We still have those citizens that still see only black and white in this world. These people need to stop and rethink about how they are reacting to each situation they find themselves in.

Whether justice must prevail in our human world. Justice will come to those who do not repent of their sin or crimes that they have committed. Because God sees all things He knows your guilty or not guilty, but to take justice in tour own hands is not the answer to resolving the issue.

Those that believe they doing just cause by their rioting and protest all you doing is making the matters worse on both parties that are involved in the situation. This is what destroyed our great nation were the people themselves. It wasn’t the leaders that destroyed great nation it is we the people that have destroyed our nation. It is those who have fallen away from the truth that lies within two books that are testament of Christ our savior.

We as society have taken upon ourselves to right our own laws and gone away from the laws that our Savior Jesus Christ has setup for us to follow. We as a society have let the dark cloud of evil to come upon us. In blinding us to truth that lies before us. Until we the people lift our eyes to the Light of Jesus Christ nothing you do will matter in the end. You will all have to pay the price. This may not be know but in the second coming you will face our Savior Jesus Christ again and he will be your ultimate judge on this day he will come.

Your protest tha Black Life Matters is doing is all of Lucifer plan to bring this nation down to his knees. When this will happen all hell will break out and you will all continue to destroy one another until there is no more to fit for. When this happen all that has been prophesied from Paul in revelation will come true and the thing that going to left is a desolate world that is empty with no people on it to fit anymore. This cause is like Hatfield and McCoys feud that carried down the family line. This is what is happening with the African Americans and our police officers. This will never end until our wimpy government get of the dead carcasses and do something about these riots that continue to take place all over our nation.

I grew up during the time of Martin Luther King was fighting for equal rights. I have also done a lot of research on Martin Luther King and learned a lot about him and his ways of protesting back in the 60’s. He was never about violence protesting. He always made sure that they were peaceful protest for his cause. You look at Manson Mandela and his ways of fighting for justice. He never believed in violence. He work with the government to resolve his freedom for his people. Then you look at Gondi and how protest to free his people from bondage. None of these men used violence like Black Live Matters is doing. They remind me of the Black Panthers of late 60’s early 70’s that took upon themselves to take justice in their own hands. Just as Black Life Matters has done today.

It is funny how history repeats itself over and over again because our little bitty human brains cannot pull our heads out of our dead carcasses butt and realize that the passed is the passed. What does African American want from the White man? To get on knees and kiss your little black ass and bend over to your needs. Hell it goes for that my people should put a sign that says Native American Lives Matter. We have lost more lives to the White mans ways than any other race on this continent. We were striped from our land because of white mans greed got in their way that they knew our land was worth more than the gold that sat on it. We have lost so many people to Trails of Tears that you do not see our youth taken up arms against the white man who came far to whip us clean from our home lands to put us reservations and told us that we were not to return to our home lands or we would shot and killed like animals they treat our people and you do not see our people raising up against our American government. We have for century fought for our freedom here in America and learn that it is the color of skins that makes so different than they are. We are the ones that help white man to survive of our lands and taught how to till the earth soul and grow their food. We taught these white man and welcome them into our lands that we could live peacefully among the white man. This dream our four fathers before us hoped too see happen only turned the white man to greed and hatred towards our people that they came for us like we were their cattle and herd us off of our land that we had for many years to have white man came and threaten our very lives with if we did not go peacefully we be killed on the spot. Your race puts up signs that ready Black Life Matter like the whole world owes you something that took place in the past. What your race has not figured as my ancestors and my preppie have learned that is greater to love your enemies than to try and fight against them. At least they never gathered your people up like cattle. Then heard you back to New York and shipped you back your home lands. No they allowed your race to walk free among the white man. The United States Government never came for your race and gathered you up up like a herd of cattle and tell you that either come peacefully or be killed on the spot. Then moved you millions a miles from your home land and put on reservation we’re your race were told is where you live and you cannot leave the reservation. My people have never been free as your Black ass has been free to go as you please because you never forced at gun point like my ancestors where to sign treats to control my people. As I see it is your race has never found peace among you to be grateful for what God has blessed your people with. You can be back in your homeland where there is no clean water, water sanitation and the freedom that you have been given in this great nation you reside in.

This goes for the white man they have never see anyone race equal to themselves and this has caused a great riff in our nation between the white man and African Americans. This will not end until one side decide to turn the other cheek. Both parties are guilty if want to know my opinion on this matter. Not one of your sorry little white and back ass cannot see the light of the tunnel that there will be no justice but a blood bath between white and black and good old Lucifer down below is having a great laugh with both of you. My ancestors made peace with white man long ago and turned it over to Great Spirit in the sky to deal with the way white man treated them. Justice will come those that the wrong they did my people. The Great Spirit will make sure of this. You can forgive but you do not forget what they have done to you. Forgive your enemies and love then as the Great Spirit has done with my people. All lives matter in this world. The Great Spirit as told my people this and I have learned it for myself.

By L.A. White

Living The RV Life

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Gypsie Rose

Living The RV Life

The summer has been busy for my wife and I. We have been spending the summer in our motorhome at my parents’ place in Menan, Idaho. We decided that since we had the means to afford to put in an underground sprinkler system on their 1.5 acre property, we felt it was time to do something about them dragging garden hoses around a 1.5 acre of ground they live on.

For the 1st month we started by digging trenches to lay main lines to attach the sprinklers to. In using the ditch digger to dig the trenches I tore out my shoulder again to the point that I will have to have surgery to repair my shoulder. I am waiting to have the surgery after the summer so I can make sure that I have the sprinklers all in beforehand. What a difference that these sprinklers have made in watering for my parents’ yard. How much greener the yard has become from an even water system. I feel at peace knowing that my parents do not have to drag garden hoses around anymore. This makes it much easier on them. 

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Parents Backyard

I have to say this has been the best summer I have spent time with my parents. This has been the greatest joy that I have had with them for a long time. My dad and I have been able to sit and visit without me getting frustrated at him for his opinion on subjects and he has listened to me for the first time in what I have had to talk about in our conversations together. I feel this will be the last time I will be able to spend quality time with him. His health is fading faster than everyone wants to face right know. I can see it and feel it in my bones that the next time we get up here he will not know who we are and not be in as good health as his is now. With everything that seems to be going wrong with him he is slowly passing before us. I feel he knows it too and is trying to get things in order around here before he does go. That way my mother is not left doing it all by herself. 

My dad is in stage 4 kidney failure and is in the last part of dementia, diabetic and he will not keep on his diet that his doctor puts him on. But this has to be up to him. No one can force him to keep his health up. Not even my little sister, who keeps trying to get him to eat healthier when she comes up and visit them. Our dad knows that my little sister means well but she needs to back off and let him live his life the way he wants to. You have to love him for his wisdom and strength that he puts out to be able to make it through every morning and make the best of each day he has left on this earth.

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Gypsie Rose

This year has been rough on our family. We have lost 6 people so far this year. We just got done burying my Uncle Dick who was fighting for his life with cancer, then they found tumors in his brain. From this point he went downhill fast and then passed away this month. I had to deal with his death and trying to finish up the sprinkler system for my parents, then in my last week of my first class for the summer and finished the class with an ‘A-‘ in the course. My goal is to keep up my grades with passing the rest of my classes that I have to take to complete my master’s program with at least an ‘A’. 

The one thing that we are facing in our RV is a leaking window and a leaking roof. With the rain that we have been getting we have had to put a tarp over the roof and window until we get nice weather to be able to seal the roof and window up. What you have to go through to maintain an RV and decide to live in one full time. I am glad that they have come out with tip outs in the RVs that they are building today. Living in an RV that has no tip out in it makes it feel like you’re in tight spaces. They are okay when going for a weekend but to live in one full time you’ve got to have the tip out in your RV to feel like you are not living in a closed box. 

I have enjoyed my time at my parents’ house camping out in their back yard. We tried to convince them to turn part of their property into a summer RV parking spot and they feel it was too much to take on. I would be willing to manage the spaces for them. I mean it’s all set up back here, all they would really have to do is run separate hook ups for water, sewer, electricity and they have all this out here already. Just a matter of running underground lines to the camping spots and then just maintain them throughout the summer months. But they weren’t buying into the idea. Believe me if I could afford to buy the place from them I would have done just this to the side of the property that they have. Menan, Idaho is a quiet town outside of Idaho Falls and Rigby located in Jefferson County seat. Very small community but very loving people out here. It has been wonderful to be packed out back of my parents house this summer and get to spend the summer with them. I wish we could afford to go to California and spend the whole summer with my mother-in-law. This would be great for both my wife and I to get away from our normal routine and spend it with her mom for once. Having the means to travel that far and the time to be able to go out and visit with her mom and her boyfriend would be great. 

Right now we are either stuck in my parents’ house or the RV because we are getting a lot of rain showers coming down. We are rain birds right now trying to stay dry. The farmers here are appreciating the rain that we are getting. The less they have to fire up those big sprinklers and pay to use them to water their crops the better. For me it’s finding things to do inside to keep busy without spending all my time on video games all day. I do not have a place to do my woodworking so I am minus the ability to spend a lot of time with my woodworking hobby. As for painting and drawing I have to be in the right mind to want to do these and if I am not I do not like doing either one of them. I have my writing that I can work on but this gets me down because I do not have a lot of followers to my blogs and my two books that I published are not doing very good. I am working on another writing project but I have been working on this for a very long time that I will be amazed myself to see the book completed. There are advantages of living in a RV but there are also disadvantages to living in one. Living the RV life may be for some people and for others this kind of living would be too much for them to handle. One thing you have to remember is whatever type of RV you decide to live in full-time you have to remember that the maintenance and up keep is the same as a house is. Some things you can do on your own but other things have to be done in the shop and you have to be prepared for what may come about. There are times you will feel overwhelmed with repairs and problems that may arise but this is the time you have to dig down deep and put faith in God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ that they help you carry the load that’s overwhelming you at this time.

For me I would not trade this way of living. We are able to come and go and have our own home to stay in when visiting family and friends. Like I said before this way living is not for everyone but if you’re thinking about it or even talking about doing it, my advice to those who are looking into this life style and feel you cannot afford to live out of an RV think again. My advice to you is do not think about it but do it now while you both are around and you can enjoy life the way you like living. Enjoy your life while you both can and are able to travel to the places you want to explore now. You only have one life to live so live it to the fullest in whatever or however you decide to live life. Good luck in your journey in RV living, there is a lot enjoyment from living this way and their is also enjoyment in other ways of living life. But do not be afraid of taking a risk to get what you want in this life. If you wait until you are old enough to afford it you may not get to enjoy all the benefits that come your way. This is your life on this earth, you make the decisions in how you want to live not anyone else. It’s your choice of how you are going to live life. My last thought to you is do not think too hard on what you are going to do, “The more you waiver an idea in your head, the more you will contemplate about doing it.” So go and just do it before you talk yourself out of what you want to do in life. Do not look back and wish you had done that which you wanted to in the first place because you know all to well you had the chance when the thought first came to you. You were afraid to take the first step in achieving that which you decided not to achieve first in your life. Do not let others make your choices because you have the power to freely make them for yourself. Just go do it.

Suicide

I would like to take a step back from writing about my personal life and talk about a subject that many of us have faced with either a friend, love one, or yourself, have faced this word in your own life.

For myself I have been in some very low and dark places in my life that I have felt the only way out of them was taking my own life. I thought that suicide was the only answer to my solution to my problems that I was dealing with in my life. I still face those demons often when I get into a downward spiral that I get overwhelmed with everyday life and my only solution to deal with the problem would be to end my life.

That way I would not have to deal with fighting the demons in my head, having to wake up every day and facing the fact that in order to function with a clear head, that I have to stay on medication for the rest of my life. Even with taking my medication I still have those days or months that I get overwhelmed dealing with everything going on in my life that I feel like it would be better to end my life, rather than loved ones suffering from my mistakes that I cannot seem to think straight and make sense out of any situation in my life without getting help all the time to make sure that I don’t make the wrong choices.

Why do so many of us think that suicide is the answer to our problems that we are dealing with? What are some signs that a person may be thinking about suicide? What can we watch out for in a person when they are thinking these thoughts in their head? The one thing that keeps me from going all the way with even attempting suicide is I begin to think about my family and how they would feel that I had taken my life. This may not work for everyone out there. This is how I pull myself out from dark and low places of suicide thoughts.

I wanted to talk about this topic because again I lost a family member to suicide and I am left with thoughts of what could we have done differently to have helped him or her from going this far? What was going through their mind when they pulled the trigger, cut their wrist, tried to hang themselves, or find another way to make suicide easier to go through with before taking their own life in the end?

We are left to grieve and try to make sense out of all that lead up to the person to take their own life and we never find the answer that we are seeking for. We may be seeking down a dead-end road because we are never in that person’s mind at the time that they do attempt or succeed with suicide.

According to Schimelpfening (2020), there may be clear warning signs and you may wonder what clues you might have missed. There are often many factors combined to lead a person to the decision to take their own life. We can look at a person that a storm is brewing inside them that has strong emotions and life stresses rather than carefully thinking things through they explode inside. As I explain, when I get overloaded with so much stress that I’m not sure how to deal with them all at one time my brain tends to stop thinking about them and finding solutions to the problem. The thing is I have had loved ones that have been here for me so I often think about them at this time. I have another resource that I turn to and He is always here to help us in these times. Often times a person gets too overwhelmed with everything they are trying to deal with and is at the point they are no longer thinking clearly in their life to really stop and think things through rationally before they do commit suicide.

There are many reasons that we can look into why a person would commit suicide. The most common one is severe depression. A person who is going to commit suicide will make the decision shortly before doing impulsively rather than planning it out extensively.

We need to understand a person who has deep depression can make them feel great emotional pain and loss of hope that they are unable to see clearly past what they are about to do or in a way to relieve the pain other than ending their life. I have been in that stage of my life many times and still find myself fighting with deep depression at times that I find it hard to bring myself out of this thought of taking my own life. According to American Foundation for Suicide Prevention depression is present in about half of all suicides.

There are other mental illnesses besides depression which can play a role in suicide. Depression is one of the largest factors that plays into most suicides in the world today. For example, a person who is schizophrenic may hear voices inside them that will make them believe that suicide is the only way out of the whole problem. Bipolar disorder is another neurological disorder that may cause a person to commit suicide. A person with Bipolar like myself may have highs and lows that we deal with in our life every day and this can play a big factor in a person wanting to commit suicide. Borderline personality disorder is another high rate of suicide. Eating disorder is another high risk of suicide. These are just a few neurological disorders that can play a big part into a person trying to commit suicide.

 A person that has gone through some type of traumatic experience is one who will likely attempt suicide. This includes childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, or war trauma, are among those who will commit suicide.

According to Schimelpfening (2020), In a survey of nearly 6,000 U.S. adults, nearly 22% of people who have been raped had attempted suicide at some point while 23% who experienced physical assault tried to take their own life at some point. We can look into those who use drugs and alcohol as another cause a person may decide to commit suicide.

Drugs and alcohol can also influence a person who feels suicidal to make impulsive and more likely to act upon their urges than they would while sober.  Using these two substances can have a great effect on a person’s way of thinking. Also losing a job or a relationship. The rate of substance abuse among those with depression and neurological disorders are also high. You put these things together and you will have a higher risk of suicide. We can also have thoughts of suicide when we have a loss or a fear of loss in our own life.

According to Schimelpfening (2020), A person may decide to take their own life when facing a loss or the fear of a loss. These situations can include:

  • Ending a romantic relationship or close friendship
  • Losing a job or being unemployed and unable to find a sufficient source of steady income
  • Financial problems
  • Losing social position
  • Losing your living situation due to financial reasons or the ending of a relationship
  • Academic failure
  • Losing social or family acceptance due to revealing your sexual orientation
  • Bullying, shaming, or humiliation, including cyberbullying
  • Being arrested or imprisoned

All these that I talk about and even more situations become reasons that a person may commit suicide. Sometimes it’s a way of crying out for help which in more cases than not a person succeeds in his suicide and by this time it is too late and we are left with the question of ‘Why’ or ‘Could I have done more to prevent him or her committing suicide?’

It is not that they want to die they just don’t know how to reach out for help before they go through with suicide. Suicide is not a cry for attention, it is a cry for help. This is a way to show the world how much they are really hurting. More often than not these cries for help end in fatal consequences if the person misjudges the lethality of their chosen method. Those who have attempted suicide and failed the first time more likely will attempt suicide again. Their second attempt is more likely to be lethal.

Even though we see a person who committed suicide had everything to live for, the person who committed suicide didn’t see it that way. This is often the case when someone commits suicide, they don’t see their self-worth in the world anymore and the clear answer to them is to take their own life. Leaving loved ones and friends and family wondering what we could have done more to help them not to take their life. The only thing that we can do is pick ourselves up and move forward with our lives. We may never fully understand why a person wants to commit suicide. We can sit and try to piece their life together by trying to understand what they were going through at the time they committed suicide or piece together what they were going through in their life that got them to this point, but we will still never fully understand why a person committed suicide.

Unless we know exactly what the person was going through in their head, we will never comprehend truly why a person decides to commit suicide to solve their problems they are going through. My advice to those out there we may not know what a person is going through or when a person is at a breaking point of taking their life. What we can do is make sure that we leave our doors open to let them know if they are dealing with issues they’re not sure how to deal with, that you are there to be a listening ear to whatever they may need help with. A person may look fine on the outside, but inside the person is what is really hurting, and it just takes one simple situation to set them going over the deep end. We are all mortal men created in His image. Because we think as mortal men, we tend act upon mortal thoughts and emotions rather than eternal thoughts and emotions when it comes to other people’s feelings. What they are going through in their life at any given time.

What I am saying is we have a big issue right now with suicide in the global world that we need to figure out what we can do to make sure these people are getting the help they need before they attempt suicide. Life is worth more than taking our own life. We as mortal man have so much to offer to the world that life is not over because we cannot find an answer to our solution in this troubled world. There is help out there if we just seek a way to find help. Life is not at a loss because you have failed, or others have failed you. God has never failed us and when mortal men can learn to understand this there is more to living than taking one’s life in suicide. Believe it from someone that has looked death in the face many times in life to be the answer to all my failures in my life and my lows, stressed out, overloaded brain. I deal with so many neurological disorders that if I can pull myself up out of lows and bring myself back to believe that I am worth something in this life then you all can do it if we work together on preventing more suicides to occur.

Reference

Schimelpfening, N. (2020). Why do people commit suicide? Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/why-do-people-commit-suicide-1067515

Home On Wheels

My wife and I have been trying to decide what we were going to do after our lease ran out on our apartment. We were hoping to buy another home of our own but even after we had cleaned up our credit, we still were below the points necessary to qualify for a new mortgage for another home.
As we always do, we brought our Heavenly Father into our decision as we began to figure out what we were going to do after our lease was coming up and going on a month-to-month basis with the chance of rent going up.
We lived in an apartment when we first got married, and while my wife went back to school and got her master’s degree. After she was able to get her first full-time teaching job, we were able to purchase our first home for the first time. Like most of us that buy our first home we got the feeling that we are finally settling down for the first time and we won’t be moving for awhile or ever. That is what I felt like since all my life that is all I have done, move from place to place. I never really got a feeling that we were going to be in one place for very long. The only time as a child I finally got the feeling that we were going to be settling down was when my parents bought our first home in Florence, Oregon.
After this move and finally moving out on my own, I have been moving from one apartment to another hoping someday I would be in a situation that I would be able to afford to buy my own home. That wouldn’t be until my wife and I moved to Saint Anthony, Idaho when she took on her first teaching job. I learned that a teaching job is not one that will guarantee you have a job for life. My advice to you who are married to a teacher be prepared to be moving a lot of times in your career. Even when you feel that you are doing all you are asked to do to improve your teaching skills to keep your job. When upper management wants you out to fill your position with someone else you just have to do what you can.
I got very comfortable in where we were living that I felt this was our place to be for the rest of our life. This dream would come to an end when my wife would lose her first teaching job. Not anything she had done wrong, they just wanted someone else in her place and found a way to remove her without them looking at fault. This lead my wife to looking for a new job and as she decided what she was going to do after losing her first teaching job she decided to give a shot of selling life insurance with a company that she found online and got hired to work for. After a while she realized that this was not going as she planned it and she decided to go and apply with Walmart and got hired with them. After working with them for a couple of months she realized that she missed teaching and began to look for another teaching job. She couldn’t find any school in Idaho to hire her and she had to go out of the state of Idaho to search for another teaching job.
This brings us to why we were living in another apartment at this time. My wife was offered a first-grade job at an Elementary Academy School. She took the job and she moved first while I stayed back to finish the remodeling that we had started just after we moved into the house. We had to put off the remodeling job when my wife lost her job. My work was as a substitute teacher for the middle and high school in Fremont County School District and I have been on disability since 2008. After my wife started her job she called me and told me that they were looking for a teacher assistant, and substitute position as well. They were also looking for a fourth-grade teacher that I might have had a chance to take over. Yet, I went and applied for the teacher assistant and I got an interview with the school. Soon after the interview I found myself going to work for the same school as a teacher assistant and pushing myself to working on getting my teacher certification to be able to be a teacher here in Utah. As our lease came to an end in January, we were trying to decide what we were going to do after our lease was up. After working with a realtor and a mortgage lender to get pre-qualified to buy another house, we realized that after all the hard work we did to clean up our credit scores it still wouldn’t even get us qualified for a mortgage.
We started to think outside the box and trying to decide what we were going to do after our lease was up since we were done living in apartments. We began thinking about what we had been talking about doing before we moved. At one time my wife and I were talking about going full-time RV living since I can’t really work full time, due to neurological disorders that I have which make it hard for me to deal with an overload of stress. This showed up in my job I am working at now and I have not had any trouble with handling teenagers before. I had a meltdown at work and I had to walk away from the situation to cool down, gather my thoughts and work through the situation with a clear mind. Once I did that, I was able to understand the situation and know that I need to walk away before the situation got as far as it did that day.
Anyway, we started thinking about this opportunity of living in an RV full-time more as we had sold our home on our own and had a decent sum from the sale of the home that we could put a large down on a pre-used RV or a new one. With my wife and I working we could afford the payment. Again, we came up with the same situation with getting approved for a house. Our credit score was getting in our way of getting into a newer RV so we wouldn’t have trouble finding a park that would let us rent a space from. Everything we tried we came up with a dead end and I knew how much my wife and I wanted this rather than staying in the apartment. We decided to find one RV that we could pay cash for and be able to live in a park.
We began to look online for used RVs and we were focused on a Motorhome so that we could pull our new car behind the motorhome when we do some traveling while we still work full-time and until my wife can retire from teaching so we can hit the road full-time RV living. We finally found one. Even though she is a little older than what we wanted to get into, she is 100% ours for now until we can put money away and take this one and trade it in on a newer RV in a couple of years. Our 1989 Pace Arrow made by Fleetwood, she is in fairly good shape for the age she is. Gypsie Rose is her name and our first day living in Gypsie Rose was quite an adventure for the both of us. For me this is my first time owning a fully self-contained RV and setting one up for the first time.
We pulled into Cherry Hill RV Park and found our spot where we wanted to park Gypsie Rose for the rest of the winter months we have. We pulled in and I began to setup the RV by first leveling out the RV. Note this my first time using self-leveling jacks and I started to use them and things seemed to be going pretty good until I realized that the hydraulic jacks works on the battery and I was beginning to lose power to my jacks. I went to start the RV again to charge the batteries while I leveled our RV out. I ended up jump starting the RV to get it started again. Once I finally learned how the jacks worked, I got the RV leveled out and then went to the next step to setting up an RV. This is when you get the extension cord out to hook up the electric to your RV, and this went smoothly. Then came hooking up the water… well remember that there are several valves that must turned off, so you are not filling the water tank up and end up having water shooting out the end of the RV city spot on the other side of the RV. We just decided to leave the water turned off and have my Uncle come and help me out with this problem. Well we went to get the heater started and light the water heater and turn on the refrigerator. This is where our first night in our RV that we just purchased we found out that none of these things worked. We decided to try one more time to go and see if we could get into a new RV and again were told our credit score is too low.
Being at the end of our rope we did not know what to do. I just turned to my wife and told her that we would have to deal with what we have and put our trust in our Heavenly Father to guide us in what we should do. We said a prayer on our way back to Gypsie Rose and left it in the hands of Heavenly Father. I came back again to our RV and tried to see if I could get the heater and the hot water tank and refrigerator to work. Frustrated with not being able to figure out why any of these would not start working I just closed the cupboard door hard. As I did this the hot water tank turned on, then the heater turned on, and the light on the fuse panel lit up. I don’t know what I did but I must have jerked something in the fuse panel.
We were still waiting for our refrigerator to get cold inside. The service manager at Camping World told us that usually it takes 24 hours for the refrigerator to get cold. We came back and turned the refrigerator back on and waited 24 hours. Still didn’t get cold inside. We gave it another 24 hours to see if it would get cold inside and still did not get cold. The refrigerator coils were getting cold but inside the refrigerator was not getting cold still. My wife and I came to conclusion that the refrigerator was broken, and we would need to replace the refrigerator. As we began to look online to see how much we were looking at cost for a new refrigerator we realized that we couldn’t afford to replace the refrigerator with the typical propane and electric refrigerator. My wife and I talked about what options we had to replace the refrigerator and still afford one at the same time. We already had put all the money we had put away for our down payment for our house and we didn’t want to put another $1600 into a new refrigerator. We knew we couldn’t live in an RV without a refrigerator, so we decided the best thing we could do is to buy just an electric refrigerator and do without the gas. We went to Sam’s Club and walked out with a 7.5 cubic inch refrigerator just about the same size as the one we took out. I took and had to add shims to the side and the top of the refrigerator to allow the refrigerator to fit in the same space. I even put down a new bottom to put more support for the new refrigerator. Then I capped off the gas line and put new insulation into the area the refrigerator. I finished up getting the refrigerator put into place and rebuilding the top and the two sides so that the refrigerator would fit snug in its space so that I could seal around it without big gaps between the refrigerator and sides. I walk by the refrigerator now and I am impressed how well the refrigerator looks in the that place it is in. I am afraid to do remodeling anything as I seem to always get something screwed up and cost more money when I keep messing up on projects that I do. I guess this is part of my OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) that plays with my mind, so that everything I do must be just perfect in my life, and everything that is out of line doesn’t fly with me. Everything I do has to be perfect or it is not right in my eyes. I am trying to work on this, but it is hard to overcome.
Our first week of living in an RV full-time has been quite an experience for us. We both know that the journey of our RV living on wheels has just begun. We know that there will be many more memories to build from this one. The one thing we have learned going from house, to an apartment to 34 foot motorhome named Gypsie Rose is that we have to cut back a lot of what we own and just keep the necessary things that we can live with and we can’t live with. All in all my wife and I are really loving our decision that we have made; it may not be a large beautiful home with a nice green backyard to live in but the views we have out the table window every morning I would give anything for this view. Yes, these are small quarters we live in, but it doesn’t matter how large or how small the space you live in. What matters is the happiness you both can have. What really counts is having each other in your life. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle small quarters to live in, but I will not change my decision that I have made with my wife.
We now can pack up our home and move wherever we want to go when we have freedom to do so. During school months our home will be here in Kaysville, Utah and wherever we decide to travel in the summer months off, well that is left to another journey itself. For now it is the Gypsie Rose, my wife and our five wonderful cats living in a 34-foot motorhome for the rest of lives. Gypsie Rose will be replaced some day in the future with a bigger motorhome and a lot newer than she is right now but right now she is our 1989 motorhome all paid for and well taken care of for this time we have her. If you are ever looking into going into full time RV just remember most parks won’t take anything more than 15 years old and make sure she or he fits your budget and fits what you can feel comfortable living in because they become your home on wheels. I hope you who are thinking about this journey do because there are a lot of memories that you both can share together and you are not too old or too young to start the journey, it’s how much you really want this type of living. Come and be among the many of us that have become the full-time RV world today and live your life free from mortgage and upkeep to a house. Instead put your time into upkeeping your house on wheels.